Irritable Women Gone Wild

“I’ve got peace like a river…I’ve got love like an ocean…I’ve got joy like a fountain in my soul…”

And then there's the menopausal woman. Impatience like a heathen, aggression like a vermin - she’s got mood swings by the dozen in her soul…

Irritable woman gone wild. It's not pretty.

It’s not that being irritable is every mid-life woman’s goal. She’s not out hunting for prey. She does actually have a remnant of nurturing compassion left in her – as evidenced by the spontaneous, random tears that could fill the above mentioned river.

It’s just that those stupid "7 Dwarves of Menopause" have a way of sneaking into the cottage, unwelcomed and uninvited. Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho will visit every woman on the planet – at some point after 40. And every woman will have a decision to make. Either she will invite these visitors in and allow them to take over her house, seize her identity and steal her serenity –or she will acknowledge their presence, take a look at their calling card and then seek to evict them before a tornado of snappy comments and slammed doors forces a zillion apologies.

Bitchy’s in the House

Verbally attacking everyone within a 3-mile radius is not a normal emotional state of being. But one day the store clerk seemed like a nice kid that you’d like to cook supper for and introduce to your daughter. Then Bitchy arrived like an alien takeover, possessed you - and suddenly dumb store clerk guy is an incompetent idiot who gave you the wrong change, and could he BE any slower? Could he WEAR his pants any lower?

And then you feel guilty for threatening to talk to his manager.

And then you go home and throw a shoe at the dog for being...um...in your way.

And then you feel guilty for being so rude to the only member of the family who remains loyal in spite of Bitchy.

So you pet the dog and throw a shoe at grown child # 3 for putting his unusually smelly socks on the table next to the pizza you had to get for dinner because you freakin' don't have the energy to cook for someone who shouldn't even be living with you.

And then you feel guilty. And you cry for being a rotten mother, grandmother and all around horrible human being.

And then your BFF calls and cancels the coffee date you were looking forward to.

And you hate her. And then you feel guilty because hate is such a strong emotion. And then you cry.

Bitchy makes Itchy look good.

Bitchy’s Calling Card

Bitchy gives himself away easily, when he appears somewhere in your late 40’s or early 50’s and shows his calling card:

Mood swings

Irritability

Impatience

Frustration

Aggression

Dissatisfaction. With everything.

Overly sensitive and easily offended

Argumentative

There is some debate about whether Bitchy is actually fueled by the hormonal imbalance of menopause such as declining estrogen and progesterone - or if he simply gains momentum from the symptoms of menopause – such as hot flashes, sleep deficits, weight gain, etc.

But estrogen is known for its ability to increase serotonin and endorphins, which are typically associated with a positive mood. So, it makes sense that when estrogen declines, serotonin (the happy hormone) declines.

In addition, progesterone is your calming hormone – the one that keeps the peace like a river and helps you chill out. It also aids in sleep. So, when that declines…well…yeah. Not so calm and chilled.

Interestingly, research shows that the hormonal change and imbalance of menopause can actually cause a woman to interpret the things she hears as being more negative – causing her to be set off by hot button words or phrases! Whoa! That explains a lot!

Regardless of what door Bitchy enters through – it’s unnerving for a once balanced, calm and rational woman to find herself in the throes of chronic irritability.

So, if you’ve chased away potential friends, job offers, store clerks and small neighborhood pets, then it’s time to clamp down on Bitchy and rebalance your life. Do this before the destruction around you nears holocaust proportions.

Bitchy’s Eviction Notice

Here are a few tips and suggestions for throwing down Bitchy, the rudest of the seven dwarves of menopause:

*Accept an angry moment for what it is. The reality: you cannot take back what you said in a moment of irritability and anger. The words have been flung and the damage is done. There is no point groveling in guilt for every snappy thing that flies out of you. Because then you have made one problem into two problems. When you dish it out – be willing to apologize - sincerely, humbly and simply. Seek forgiveness from those you've stunned, and then forgive yourself.

*Consider the learning options that Bitchy can teach you. In other words, turn around what is meant for evil – into something good – like insight into the little nuggets of truth about yourself. Often there is a revelation about unresolved issues and emotions in the very circumstances that provoke Bitchy to speak and act.

*Hang out with people that make you laugh. Laughter is therapy. Not that you might think it’s funny that you’re so irritable you could chew through steel – but that there are some funny common experiences that women share when going through menopause – and quite frankly, you’re the only ones who can find the humor in them. I’m pretty sure the store clerk you yelled at won’t think it’s funny. In fact, he is probably crying even as we speak. Go apologize to him. But no guilt!

*Exercise. Sorry. Oops, there it is. But don’t be all at the gym getting mad and steamed because you can’t get on the elliptical because stupid blonde girls in skimpy exercise clothing have refused to leave YOUR machine. No – exercise in a minimally frustrating environment! And do something fun! Zumba! Dance! Exercise produces the serotonin that you’re missing from the estrogen that is declining. Some women find yoga to be a calming, excellent resource to neutralize the effects of Bitchy and declining progesterone. Give it a try!

*Get outside – into fresh air – often! A 20-minute walk in the sunshine is like a tonic for irritability!

*Scrutinize your nutrition - seriously. You’re gonna need to beef up those B vitamins and essential fatty acids! Get rid of the junk food! I know it seems like you crave junk food to ease a bad mood. But in actuality – your body is craving clean, whole, natural, real food with vitamins, minerals, enzymes and stuff that really makes you feel better! Trust me on this! If you eat the 15 Oreos and then freak out because you feel fat and bloated and want to bury someone alive…I did warn you…

*A healthy sex life can help! Okay. So, please don’t freak out about that tip or write me mean letters. If I leave this obvious one out of the list, it will only appear that I’m too chicken to deal with it. And I’m not. I realize that menopausal women can fluctuate between “Don’t touch me” and “How YOU doin’?” – and consequently the mixed messages can bring great confusion to men who have their own issues at this age. But the bottom line is that if you can get your signals worked out with the Mr. – it’s just helpful, that’s all.

*Find a “venting” partner. A friend or family member who is also dealing with menopausal madness is best – just because she totally gets it. Vent away. And then strategize together how to resolve the stuff you vented about.

*Get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. It’s absolutely crucial. This is a discipline that often requires a tough transitional stance that we’ll talk about more when Sleepy rolls into town next post. But research shows that sleep deprivation is one of the main causes of a host of diseases, ailments, illnesses and yeah – irritability.

*Look to the future…Bitchy doesn’t stay forever. Fight the good fight and know there is hope for the mellow wisdom of balance that comes…eventually. It really does.

And with that...here's a little video that made me chuckle. I'm in no way endorsing the product in the video - just the chuckle it gave me - since a chuckle is all part of the medicine...so enjoy!

Cheryl

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