Irritable Women Gone Wild

“I’ve got peace like a river…I’ve got love like an ocean…I’ve got joy like a fountain in my soul…”

And then there's the menopausal woman. Impatience like a heathen, aggression like a vermin - she’s got mood swings by the dozen in her soul…

Irritable woman gone wild. It's not pretty.

It’s not that being irritable is every mid-life woman’s goal. She’s not out hunting for prey. She does actually have a remnant of nurturing compassion left in her – as evidenced by the spontaneous, random tears that could fill the above mentioned river.

It’s just that those stupid "7 Dwarves of Menopause" have a way of sneaking into the cottage, unwelcomed and uninvited. Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho will visit every woman on the planet – at some point after 40. And every woman will have a decision to make. Either she will invite these visitors in and allow them to take over her house, seize her identity and steal her serenity –or she will acknowledge their presence, take a look at their calling card and then seek to evict them before a tornado of snappy comments and slammed doors forces a zillion apologies.

Bitchy’s in the House

Verbally attacking everyone within a 3-mile radius is not a normal emotional state of being. But one day the store clerk seemed like a nice kid that you’d like to cook supper for and introduce to your daughter. Then Bitchy arrived like an alien takeover, possessed you - and suddenly dumb store clerk guy is an incompetent idiot who gave you the wrong change, and could he BE any slower? Could he WEAR his pants any lower?

And then you feel guilty for threatening to talk to his manager.

And then you go home and throw a shoe at the dog for being...um...in your way.

And then you feel guilty for being so rude to the only member of the family who remains loyal in spite of Bitchy.

So you pet the dog and throw a shoe at grown child # 3 for putting his unusually smelly socks on the table next to the pizza you had to get for dinner because you freakin' don't have the energy to cook for someone who shouldn't even be living with you.

And then you feel guilty. And you cry for being a rotten mother, grandmother and all around horrible human being.

And then your BFF calls and cancels the coffee date you were looking forward to.

And you hate her. And then you feel guilty because hate is such a strong emotion. And then you cry.

Bitchy makes Itchy look good.

Bitchy’s Calling Card

Bitchy gives himself away easily, when he appears somewhere in your late 40’s or early 50’s and shows his calling card:

Mood swings

Irritability

Impatience

Frustration

Aggression

Dissatisfaction. With everything.

Overly sensitive and easily offended

Argumentative

There is some debate about whether Bitchy is actually fueled by the hormonal imbalance of menopause such as declining estrogen and progesterone - or if he simply gains momentum from the symptoms of menopause – such as hot flashes, sleep deficits, weight gain, etc.

But estrogen is known for its ability to increase serotonin and endorphins, which are typically associated with a positive mood. So, it makes sense that when estrogen declines, serotonin (the happy hormone) declines.

In addition, progesterone is your calming hormone – the one that keeps the peace like a river and helps you chill out. It also aids in sleep. So, when that declines…well…yeah. Not so calm and chilled.

Interestingly, research shows that the hormonal change and imbalance of menopause can actually cause a woman to interpret the things she hears as being more negative – causing her to be set off by hot button words or phrases! Whoa! That explains a lot!

Regardless of what door Bitchy enters through – it’s unnerving for a once balanced, calm and rational woman to find herself in the throes of chronic irritability.

So, if you’ve chased away potential friends, job offers, store clerks and small neighborhood pets, then it’s time to clamp down on Bitchy and rebalance your life. Do this before the destruction around you nears holocaust proportions.

Bitchy’s Eviction Notice

Here are a few tips and suggestions for throwing down Bitchy, the rudest of the seven dwarves of menopause:

*Accept an angry moment for what it is. The reality: you cannot take back what you said in a moment of irritability and anger. The words have been flung and the damage is done. There is no point groveling in guilt for every snappy thing that flies out of you. Because then you have made one problem into two problems. When you dish it out – be willing to apologize - sincerely, humbly and simply. Seek forgiveness from those you've stunned, and then forgive yourself.

*Consider the learning options that Bitchy can teach you. In other words, turn around what is meant for evil – into something good – like insight into the little nuggets of truth about yourself. Often there is a revelation about unresolved issues and emotions in the very circumstances that provoke Bitchy to speak and act.

*Hang out with people that make you laugh. Laughter is therapy. Not that you might think it’s funny that you’re so irritable you could chew through steel – but that there are some funny common experiences that women share when going through menopause – and quite frankly, you’re the only ones who can find the humor in them. I’m pretty sure the store clerk you yelled at won’t think it’s funny. In fact, he is probably crying even as we speak. Go apologize to him. But no guilt!

*Exercise. Sorry. Oops, there it is. But don’t be all at the gym getting mad and steamed because you can’t get on the elliptical because stupid blonde girls in skimpy exercise clothing have refused to leave YOUR machine. No – exercise in a minimally frustrating environment! And do something fun! Zumba! Dance! Exercise produces the serotonin that you’re missing from the estrogen that is declining. Some women find yoga to be a calming, excellent resource to neutralize the effects of Bitchy and declining progesterone. Give it a try!

*Get outside – into fresh air – often! A 20-minute walk in the sunshine is like a tonic for irritability!

*Scrutinize your nutrition - seriously. You’re gonna need to beef up those B vitamins and essential fatty acids! Get rid of the junk food! I know it seems like you crave junk food to ease a bad mood. But in actuality – your body is craving clean, whole, natural, real food with vitamins, minerals, enzymes and stuff that really makes you feel better! Trust me on this! If you eat the 15 Oreos and then freak out because you feel fat and bloated and want to bury someone alive…I did warn you…

*A healthy sex life can help! Okay. So, please don’t freak out about that tip or write me mean letters. If I leave this obvious one out of the list, it will only appear that I’m too chicken to deal with it. And I’m not. I realize that menopausal women can fluctuate between “Don’t touch me” and “How YOU doin’?” – and consequently the mixed messages can bring great confusion to men who have their own issues at this age. But the bottom line is that if you can get your signals worked out with the Mr. – it’s just helpful, that’s all.

*Find a “venting” partner. A friend or family member who is also dealing with menopausal madness is best – just because she totally gets it. Vent away. And then strategize together how to resolve the stuff you vented about.

*Get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. It’s absolutely crucial. This is a discipline that often requires a tough transitional stance that we’ll talk about more when Sleepy rolls into town next post. But research shows that sleep deprivation is one of the main causes of a host of diseases, ailments, illnesses and yeah – irritability.

*Look to the future…Bitchy doesn’t stay forever. Fight the good fight and know there is hope for the mellow wisdom of balance that comes…eventually. It really does.

And with that...here's a little video that made me chuckle. I'm in no way endorsing the product in the video - just the chuckle it gave me - since a chuckle is all part of the medicine...so enjoy!

Cheryl

Next Post Up: Sleepless in...Pretty Much Everywhere

Postcard from Hell...

I found out I was in menopause via a postcard...that arrived in my mailbox. I'm pretty sure you can't top that - unless you found out about your "change 'o life" from someone with a megaphone driving through the neighborhood. That might as well have been what happened to me. You see, I had befriended the mail carrier - in a good neighbor kinda way. He and I would often exchange small talk at the mail box, because back in the day when postal mail actually contained handwritten letters, I anticipated his arrival.

Until the dark day of the postcard that heralded my fate.

"You are in menopause," the doctor wrote on the postcard. This doctor actually had handwriting you could read. I really didn't want my mail carrier to know that about me. I didn't want the entire U. S. Post Office to know it either. I didn't even want to know.

Now, besides questioning my doctor's communication style - you might be wondering why she would need to announce this news at all. Usually women kinda know when they are "in menopause" and don't need a postcard reminder that the reason they are itchy, bitchy, sweaty, sleepy, bloated, forgetful and PSYCHO is because their childbearing years, to put it nicely, are pretty much over and they have entered the season of...change. All kinds of change. Every change possible, actually.

Well, my excuse for being surprised by this news is because I was only 43 when I went to see the doc about my urge to place my entire body in the freezer at night. Did you know that hot flashes can be the symptom of some serious diseases? True story! I found this out while researching what I was going to tell the doctor was wrong with me.

But it's really hard to convince a 50-year-old female doctor that you have a serious disease when your symptoms involve night sweats, sleep deprivation, steamed reading glasses and a I-would-like-to-kill-you-all-in-your-sleep attitude.

But she ran "tests." I awaited them anxiously and anticipated the worst. And the test results were documented...in the postcard. Apparently, menopause is not good reason for a phone call.

And so I entered the season of denial ("I'm too young for this") and eventually moved towards acceptance. You see, you can't really do away with the dreaded thing. Every woman on the planet will experience it. But...there are ways you can manage the symptoms and the impact of declining hormones - and seriously live your best life yet!

I believe this wholeheartedly - which is why I've spent the past 20 years researching the subject and why I feel passionate about this blog. When I see women yield to the 7 dwarves of menopause as if they are inevitable miseries that justify the end of all happiness as we know it - I can get a little preachy. Trust me, I can. Because these are actually my best years. Ever. And I want women over 40, 50, 60, 70 and beyond to find the real, wonderful, beautiful woman buried in that itchy, bitchy, forgetful body that hasn't had a really good quality sleep in like forever.

I agree to acknowledge that the 7 dwarves might show up at the front door of the cottage - and even sit down a spell. But I'm not willing to adopt them and give them my name. I will say "Hi" and sometimes laugh at their jokes. But I have no problem letting them know who runs this house.

And so for the next 7 posts - I'll have something to say about each one. Consider it revenge for the postcard that showed up in my mailbox almost 20 years ago.

We'll start with...

Itchy

So, one night you are thinking that an 8-hour stretch of sleep looks promising. Just as you are settling into a rare relaxed place, you develop an itch on your leg. You scratch, and scratch, and scratch and scratch until you're pretty sure you've got no skin left in that general area - and like an uncontrolled animal you think it might be time for a visit to the vet to get a cone that prevents you from reaching...whatever it is that's making you go insane with itching.

Some nights it is the leg or foot or ankle. Sometimes the arms. Sometimes it is the traveling itch.

Well, here's the deal. That crazy imbalance and decline of hormones - particularly, estrogen - has dried. you. out. Skin. Hair. Everywhere. And that is the general reason why so many women get acquainted with Itchy somewhere in their 50's.

Dehydration. Big time. I'm not a fan of insanity-mode itching. And I don't want to be hooked on Benadryl. There is a better way - and here are a few tips for slaying Itchy before he takes up nightly residence with you.

1. Increase your water intake. When I say water, I really am saying...water. No other liquid will hydrate you the same way. Caffeine DE-hydrates you. Juices will give some hydration but added calories and sugar. And soda? Don't even get me started.... Seriously, at this time of your life, it is time to become a water lover, even if you haven't ever truly appreciated the fountain of life before.

2. Exfoliate your skin on a regular basis. Using a good scrub or AHA (alpha-hydroxy acid) product will help slough off those dead cells that are so prominent with dry skin and help smooth the skin, to reduce itchy dryness. I love Aveda's Foot Relief cream for feet and legs! It smooths and exfoliates and also contains cooling essential oils that minimize itch.

3. Moisturize, moisturize, condition, condition. You may have never needed much body moisturizer or hair conditioner when you were younger. But now, your skin and hair seems to drink it in! Moisturize everyday with a quality, natural moisturizer. I love shea butter creams, as well as creams with hydroxy acids to exfoliate while moisturizing. Stay away from moisturizers with mineral oil. It clogs your pores, and it's a creepy petroleum based chemical. A little essential peppermint oil mixed in with your moisturizer will also minimize the sensations of Itchy.

Same with hair conditioner - you'll need a deeper treatment than you once did because while your hair tends to thin during menopause (boo!) - it always dries WAY out. Use products that are as natural as possible. My favorite is pure coconut oil!

One exciting new anti-aging moisturizer - well, it's not new - it's just being talked about a lot since it got a plug from Dr. Oz - is rose hip seed oil. A few drops in your body and face moisturizer could be a great anti-aging addition for dry, itchy skin according to research results. And it's natural! Read about it on this link: http://www.livestrong.com/article/182240-how-to-use-rose-hip-seed-oil/

4. Detoxify your system. When your liver gets loaded down with processing too many chemicals or otherwise unnatural substances that have been ingested - you can get itchy! Take 2-7 days and give your liver a break. Detoxify with a clean, whole foods diet. Load up on fresh fruit and veggies and good, healthy fats (olives/olive oil, nuts, salmon, avocados, 72% or higher dark chocolate). And eliminate all processed food, caffeine, alcohol and hormone-injected meats. You'll feel better, your liver will thank you - and you may see a significant glow to your skin and an elimination of the itchies!

5. Consider bio-identical hormones. The choice to supplement with bio-identical hormones or plant-based hormones is highly personal. I have been taking them for about 7 years now and I won't be without them - as in, ever. But not everyone feels called to that. When I say "bio-identical" hormones - I'm not referring to prescription hormones such as Premarin that is synthesized from the urine of pregnant horses and is not fully compatible with human hormones (thus the tremendous risk of side effects). To understand better the concept of bio-identical hormone supplementation, check the following link:

http://ageology.com/women/bioidentical-hormones

Let me also throw this out concerning Itchy.... One of my least favorite things to hear from a doctor is, "Well, these things happen when you get older." I have never in my life been "allergic" or "sensitive" to foods until...the big "M." Suddenly, I was having itchy hives and red splotches and assorted other sensitivity reactions to foods I had previously been able to eat just fine. And yes, my doctor said..."Well, when you get older..your body changes." Really?

The indication was that sometimes Itchy shows up in the form of a food sensitivity that you never previously had! Urgh! A few common food sensitivities that pop up around menopause are: gluten, dairy, shellfish, red wine, and dear God, no....chocolate.

For this reason, it is important to always carry a couple Benadryl in your purse - just in case!

And so, that takes care of Itchy. Next post - we'll attempt to slay...Bitchy. You'll need to pray for me on that one.

Cheryl

And just for fun...because I used to love the Cosby Show...enjoy this humorous clip from the Menopause episode...

Growing "Old" Gracefully. What? No Seriously, What??

Does the title of this post indicate my disgruntled attitude towards the phrase “growing old gracefully?”  Well, my first issue with this phrase is the word “old.” What is “old?”  Is that like an old shoe, an old boyfriend, an old carton of milk growing sour in the refrigerator?

And my second issue with the phrase, “growing old gracefully” is that…okay…I don’t really get it.  I must confess…that’s my bottom line.

 

If I don’t color my gray roots, is that the “graceful” way to be “old?”  If I say, “I’m getting’ too old for this” like a million times per week and refuse to dance like the 35-year-old I’m not, is that “growing old gracefully?”  If I stop wearing make-up, stop using anti-aging skin care, and stop laughing…is that “graceful” “aging?” If I stop using quotation marks around every “word,” would that be less “irritating?”

But really…when you hear that phrase – what does it conjure up in your mind?  I’m sure it doesn’t revile you quite as much as it does me – but if it does, why?  And if it doesn’t...why?

Here’s the full-of-holes reasoning for my own distaste of the phrase.  As I exited my 40’s, in the throes of hot flashes and mood swings and nonstop crying and craving cookies and chocolate while my metabolism took a nose dive…I made the mistake of cracking a little joke to a friend. The interchange went like this:

 

My first statement of doom:  “I may need to take on a second job in order to afford all the anti-aging products and make-up I’m going to need in the future for looking younger. I hate looking old-ER.” 

My friend’s response (wait for it…):  “Well, I think a woman should just grow old gracefully.”

My second stupid line of doom: “Well, I am not very graceful.  And I don’t like the word “old.” And I really, really love my make-up.”

My friend’s next knife thrust: “Outer things are not important.  It’s the inner self that is important.  Wisdom comes from aging.”

The thought that I kept to myself:  “Widsom.  Eww. Give me a lip plumping gloss and blonde highlights any day. And some estrogen."

So, there you have it…a glimpse into my shallow anti-aging philosophy...when it comes to the outer things, that is.  I do have a much more meaningful and purposeful approach to all things internal and valuable.  Really.

And over the last decade I have tried, used and loved a variety of anti-aging products, pretty colors, make-up, skin care – and enjoyed every moment of my girlie dress up journey that began with sneaking my mom's red lipstick as a child.  That girlie make-up love didn't end, by the way, just because I became…*drum roll*…menopausal.

What I have come to realize though – is that every woman over 50 with a proactive stance on maintaining health, vitality, passion and purpose eventually bumps into the reality that most cosmetics meant to make them feel prettier and look radiantly younger – contain harmful chemicals.  Lots of them. Ugh!

And some of these chemicals that we've been slathering on our faces and putting on our lips for decades are just now showing up in research to be anything BUT anti-aging.  That concerns me.  Because it totally works against my post-50 (um...60) health plan.

One issue that has been at the forefront of cosmetic news recently is the health concerns with lipstick. It's pretty scary to learn that each time you grab that tube of  gorgeous color that adds a youthful glow to your complexion and a spark to your great personality - you're coating your lips with the following possibilities:

1. Lead - a seriously scary toxin with big time health ramifications.
2. Methylparabens - the most widely used preservative in cosmetics and not at all good! In fact, the research is alarming because parabens are now being found in breast tumors, when they are examined post-biopsy.  The link to breast cancer is enough to avoid this ugly preservative!
3.Coal Tar - considered a "high hazard" substance by the EWG (Environmental Working Group) which considers it a carcinogen (cancer causing) that is linked to allergies and skin irritations.
4. Propylene/Butylene Glycol - a petroleum-based ingredient used in fertilizer and anti-freeze to name a few.
5. Mineral Oil - a petroleum-based ingredient that has been in cosmetics for decades!  Problem is that we are just now realizing the potential hazards of it.  On the softer side, it can block the skin's pores and can interfere with skin cell  functioning.  On the heavier side, it has been known to contain carcinogens.

There are a bunch more chemicals...but I cannot spell or pronounce them, so I'm ending my list here.

There is good news!  There are alternatives!  You can still have a youthful glow, a beautiful pucker and keep wrinkles at bay if you take the time to invest in some healthy products that you can feel good about using.  They're out there.  I've found them.  But I've had to do a lot of research and look at a whole lot of ingredient lists!  Some of those researched products you'll find within the links of this blog. One in particular deserves a shout out!

In my opinion, if you do nothing else to "age gracefully" (notice I'm leaving out the word "old" now...), throw on a little healthy lip color.  I don't know what it is, but a woman with a little color to her smile not only appears younger - she seems more approachable, friendlier, confident, well-rested, healthier.

Let me give you a suggestion.  There is a glorious brand of lipstick and lip gloss that is gluten free, paraben free, soy free, allergen free - and it is the most emollient, luxurious experience just putting it on your lips!  It's called Red Apple Lipstick - and I encourage you to become familiar with it.  I seriously threw away about 6 lipstick products I previously owned - and now only wear Red Apple.

Click on this link to read for yourself (check out the "Why Red Apple" tab!) about Red Apple:



I don't know about you, but I want to lose the phrase, "growing old gracefully" and replace it with something far more sassy.  Like "growing healthier and hotter after 50." Although there's probably nothing really graceful about that!

Enjoy this sassy little video by Red Apple Lipstick's, Andrea Harper, as she shows off one of their super awesome colors.  And let's begin to read labels, and make some healthy cosmetic choices for the future of our beautiful selves!